He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
