Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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