I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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