maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
