I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize