Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
