don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
