Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you had me at cake vodka
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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