i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
