Kiss
Puke
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
