Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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