My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
