I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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