I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
