in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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