He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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