i may or may not be watching the land before time
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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