I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
