You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize