we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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