I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
