went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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