Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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