birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
