My girlfriend figured out who you are.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
