david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You are a genius and a whore.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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