you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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