i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
