Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
