you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my shit smells like andre
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
