I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
