there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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