U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
