this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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