I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
