quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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