I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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