I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
