Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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