one two three fourrrrnication!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
