Barsexuality is the new black.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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