it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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