i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
