found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
