No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
