ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
