my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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