i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
