my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
