is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
