Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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