the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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