it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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