the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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