wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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