Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
